.
~~~~~~~~~
"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."
~~~~~~~~~

Here is a little something someone sent me that is
indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M 
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 
22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A -R -D-W-O -R -K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K -N -O -W-L -E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 
= 96%

But ,

A-T -T -I -T -U -D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing 
will take you.

A-S -S -K -I -S-S -I -N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that:
 While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close,
and  Attitude will get you there, it's the 
Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.


'REMEMBER SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY
BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM' 
.

Observations on Growing Older 

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them
...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"... they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything ...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names ... but it's OK
because other people forgot
they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
is now 15 and you have a better chance
of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going
to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you
to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do,
you no longer care to do,
but you really do care that you
don't care to do them anymore.

~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair
with the TV blaring than he does in bed.
It's called his "pre-sleep".

~Remember when your mother said
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married ...
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked
with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...
were unheard of, and a mouse was something
that made you climb on a table.

~You now use more 4 letter words ... "what?" ..."when?" ???

~Now that you can afford
expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs
old movies
And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!
 

.
One word or two?

.

In 1912, the world famous Austrian gynecologist,
Dr. Herman Otto Kloepneckler, MD, Ph.D.,
publishes the following:

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.
It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating.
It takes any size piston. And it changes its own
oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the
management system is so fucking temperamental."

.