June 2010
June 2010
.
God
made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her
first question.
.
Choosing a wife
A man wanted
to get married. He was having trouble choosing
among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present
of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several
times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the
remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for
their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had
done with the money he'd given her.
Then.......................
he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and
Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
.
WHY MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS:
Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that
she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best
friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that
he had
slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best
friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed
that he was still there.
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STIMULUS CHECK 2010
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another
'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This
is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
Using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to
taxpayers.
Q..
Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use
the money to purchase a
High-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below
is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy
by
Spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at
Wal-Mart,
the money will
Go to China or Sri
Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to
the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or
China .
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it
will go
To management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at
yard sales,
or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in
the U.S. ..
)
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met
at a yard
Sale and
drink beer all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
.
Why no
one robs a 7-11 in Israel
....
.
.