May 2010
.
A
Government Job.
A guy goes to the
Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine."
"Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in
any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of
my testicles...
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points
for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at
10:00 A.M. every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to
4:00 P.M., why don't you want me here until 10:00 A.M.?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says, "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that."
.
You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party.
We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on,
covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We
phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.
We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My
wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that
the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi
driver that I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say
goodbye to my mother."
A
few minutes later I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said,
as
we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
Had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
She tried to take off, so
I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had
to wrap her in a blanket to keep
her from scratching me.
But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs
and threw her out into the backyard!"
The
cab driver hit a parked car...
